


The Past Is Just A Goodbye

by sparkinside (boomersoonerash)



Series: The Past Is Just A Goodbye [3]
Category: Everybody Else (Band), Hanson (Band), Phantom Planet
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Brother/Brother Incest, Character Death, Dysfunctional Family, F/M, Fan Soundtracks, Fanmix, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Incest, M/M, Sibling Incest, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-15
Updated: 2013-05-06
Packaged: 2018-02-08 16:24:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 10
Words: 13,587
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1948014
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/boomersoonerash/pseuds/sparkinside
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Taylor is twenty-four and divorced. Raising his two year old daughter with his partner his life is slowly crumbling while he deals with his parents trying to take his daughter from him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: This is a fictional story. None of this story is true and I am in no way associated with Hanson. I do own any original characters. Also, please do not translate this unless you ask me for permission first. Thanks!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Excerpt: "I'm scared too," Zac muttered as he laid his head on Taylor's shoulder.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Past Is Just A Goodbye Chapter One

Taylor sighed as he walked into the small apartment he lived in now. He was twenty-four, divorced, and the father of two children, one of which he was raising. So far he was doing well except for the fact that his parents now wanted custody of one of his children. Said he wasn't fit to be her dad and now they were in the middle of a court battle and he was tired and down right scared of losing.

Looking up when he heard footsteps coming down the hall he smiled when he saw Zac. From the looks of it Zac had just woken up, his hair which was short was all a mess and he was wearing the boxers that Taylor loved him in.

"Hey," Taylor said as he watched Zac sit down beside him and close his eyes, "Still sleepy?" he asked as he eyed Zac. Usually Zac was a morning person so he was surprised that Zac seemed to be so groggy right now.

Zac nodded at Taylor's question, "Cecily kept me up. She wanted daddy Taylor and not daddy Zac," he pouted before laughing some.

Taylor couldn't help but chuckle himself at Zac's words. Cecily was his and Zac's two year old daughter. The daughter they had both agreed to have via a surrogate. They had also asked not to be told whose sperm had been used during the insemination because to them it didn't matter whose daughter she was. They would both be raising her and loving her just the same.

"She gets that from you," Taylor shrugged as he looked over at Zac and winked. Cecily was as stubborn as a mule. A trait he knew she had to have picked up from Zac.

"Maybe So," Zac shrugged as he furrowed his eyebrow. "But she gets her good looks from you," he smirked as he leaned over and pecked Taylor's lips. "How were things in Tulsa?" he asked his eyebrow raising.

Taylor shrugged again not sure how to answer Zac. Not much had changed since they moved to Oklahoma City. Their parents still hated that they were together and now to punish them they wanted to take Cecily away from them.

"Mom said their lawyer thinks they could win the case," Taylor admitted as he bit his lip. That thought scared him. That his parents could win custody of Cecily and just pretend like he and Zac weren't her parents. Cecily was his world and if he lost her he wasn't sure how prepared he could be to live without her in his world.

Zac frowned at Taylor's response and looked away, "Are you scared?" he asked his brown eyes finding Taylor's blue eyes. Taylor was sure he saw a hint of sadness in them. For once Taylor was pissed that Zac was being the strong one. Being the one who was keeping Taylor together during all of this.

Taylor nodded when Zac asked if he was scared, "Why wouldn't I be scared?" he asked as he closed his eyes and laid his head back against the couch. Everyone had told him fatherhood was the scariest thing but that was a lie. The possibility of losing one of his children was the scary thing.

"I'm scared too," Zac muttered as he laid his head on Taylor's shoulder. Hearing the words come out of Zac's mouth shocked Taylor. It was the first time he had heard Zac express that he was scared.

Nodding some Taylor let his hand rest on Zac's thigh, "Natalie wouldn't let me see Ezra either," he sighed his eyes rolling. It seemed like ever since coming out as gay and then coming out as being involved with his brother everyone in his entire family had turned on him and Zac both.

"Natalie's always been a bitch though," Zac laughed some as he kissed Taylor's neck softly. "That's why you left her for me," he smirked before nudging his head deeper into Taylor's neck. A soft sigh came out of his mouth when he was content and comfortable.

Taylor smirked at Zac's actions, "You need to rest some more," he whispered as his hand softly rubbed Zac's thigh. Taylor had been in Tulsa for the weekend talking with his lawyer and he had made sure to rest well. "If Cecily needs anything I will be up," he said as he moved some.

"Are you sure?" Zac asked as he moved his head again and looked at Taylor. "I mean you did drive an hour and it's seven-thirty in the morning. If you want to sleep you can," he said his eyes searching Taylor's for any hint of him not being sure.

"I'm sure now go," Taylor said his voice raising some to show he was being serious. When Zac stood up and walked down the hall he couldn't help the smirk playing on his lips as he watched him walk away. Zac's ass was such a wonderful sight to him.

Taking a deep breath he closed his eyes and leaned into the couch more. He was glad to be home and with his family. As long as he had them everything would be okay.  
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________  
"Daddy, wake up," a shrill voice sounded in Taylor's ear and he was jolted awake. He hadn't realized it but he had went to sleep for a bit. Looking beside him at the person who had woken him up he smiled seeing Cecily and her big brown eyes staring at him. Of course she had woken him up.

"Hey princess," Taylor smiled more as he reached over and placed Cecily in his lap. Her blonde hair was sticking out everywhere and it was a funny sight to him. One of these days he would have to get a picture of her when she first woke up to use as blackmail for when she was a teenager.

Cecily grinned once she was in her daddy's lap. She was a huge daddy Taylor girl. "I miss you," she said her voice full of sadness that only a young child could have. It broke Taylor's heart hearing the sadness in her voice.

"I missed you too baby girl," he frowned as he leaned down and kissed her forehead. "But this time I should be home for awhile with you and daddy Zac," Taylor grinned saying those last words. He didn't have to be in Tulsa again for another month. One full month before going back and meeting with lawyers and a judge. In a month he and Zac would know if Cecily would be ripped from them.

"Daddy Zac doesn't know how to play dress up right," Cecily pouted her lips sticking out slightly. "He wouldn't be the princess," she complained as her eyes looked up at Taylor's. Taylor had an inkling he knew where Cecily was going with this conversation.

Cecily kept pouting as she ran a hand through her hair messing it up even more, "Will you play dress up with me?" she asked her eyes shining some even though her lips were clearly pouting again. Taylor was certain this little girl knew how to get what she wanted from him.

"Do I get to be the princess?" Taylor asked his eyes getting big as he used his excited voice. He would always be a princess during dress up for her, at least until she stopped wanting that from him.

Cecily nodded at his questions, letting out a tiny giggle, "Yes," she said as she moved off his lap and stood in the floor. Her arms were crossed and she was tapping her foot. Now that Taylor was sure came from him.

"Goodie," Taylor smiled as he stood up and picked Cecily up kissing her cheek a few times until she giggled more. ," I like being the princess but let's keep that a secret between you and me," he said as he carried her towards her room. Her room was the biggest one in the apartment. It was mainly because she had more stuff than either he or Zac had combined. Clearly Cecily was one spoiled two year old.

When they reached Cecily's room, Taylor put her down on the floor and watched as she ran into her closet. When she came back with her tiara he bent down and took it from her, putting it on his head, "Now am I wearing make-up today too?" he asked as he sat down on the floor and looked at her curiously.

"Make-up," Cecily nodded her head yes and ran to her closet getting the small make-up kit Zac had given her last Christmas. "Close your eyes," she said when she walked over to Taylor and opened the make-up kit.

Laughing Taylor closed his eyes and soon felt her applying stuff all over his face. He was sure he would look like a clown but he didn't care. He was making his daughter happy. It was these little moments that would one day matter later on. She could look back and say she was loved.

Hearing a camera click, Taylor opened his eyes again and looked around finally spotting Zac in the doorway. He hadn't even heard Zac get up but from the amused look on Zac's face and the camera in his hand he had at least been up for a bit, "How much are you going to sell that picture for?" Taylor asked joking.

"I have no plans to sell it," Zac smiled as he came in the room and sat down beside Taylor. He let the camera rest in his lap. "It's too priceless to sell," he shrugged as he leaned in and kissed Taylor's now red lips.

"Eww," Cecily whined as they kissed. Taylor hoped she always thought that about kissing. It would save him the worry and grey hairs later.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Excerpt: "And don't talk with your mouth open Cecily Parker Hanson," he scolded her or well tried too.

The Past Is Just A Goodbye Chapter Two

Taylor who had been sleeping soundly awoke when he felt something climb onto the bed. Opening his eyes he smiled seeing Cecily beside him, "Morning princess," he said as he pulled her closer. He knew Zac was still asleep beside him. Zac was usually always the last one to wake up.

"Morning daddy," Cecily said as she grinned at him. She was always hyper in the mornings. "Can we have breakfast now?" she asked as she pouted and made herself look sad. She was certainly good at being dramatic when she wanted something. "I hungry," she whined as she let an arm go around her daddy Taylor's neck and soon snuggled with him.

Seeing Cecily pout, Taylor shook his head and held her to him once she snuggled into him. He was sure he had done something right with her. She was the one good thing besides Zac that he had going in his life. "Fine, let's get up you little munchkin," he sighed as he stood up, bringing Cecily with him. Looking down he smiled seeing her grinning. He had never seen someone as happy as her before.

Cecily laid her head on her daddy's shoulders as he carried her down the hall, "Santa come soon," she said as she pointed at the small Christmas tree that was set up in the living room.

"Santa comes next month," Taylor said as he looked down at her once they reached the kitchen. Putting her down in a chair he went to the cabinets and got down a small bowl for her. "What do you want, Fruity Pebbles or Captain Crunch?" he asked as he grabbed both boxes and held them out for her.

"Pebbles," Cecily giggled and kicked her feet as she pointed to the box of Fruity Pebbles. When her daddy turned away from her she chewed on her lip. "Why Santa come next month?" she asked not understanding it. Their tree was up already so why did she have to wait?

Taylor laughed at her question. She was always asking questions it seemed. "Because he just does," he shrugged as he walked to the fridge and got the milk out. Pouring the milk over her cereal he put soon put a tiny spoon in it and took the bowl over to her.

Once the bowl was in front of her, Cecily picked up the spoon and started to eat, "But the tree," she said with her mouth half full of food. She had been told numerous times not to talk with her mouth open but she always did it anyway.

Laughing more Taylor went back to the cabinets and got the box of pop-tarts down. Taking out a package he opened it and took a bite of one before answering her, "Daddy Zac likes to decorate early," he said after finishing his bite. "And don't talk with your mouth open Cecily Parker Hanson," he scolded her or well tried too. He wasn't good at scolding her and thus he smiled when saying it.

Cecily made a face when she was scolded though she saw her daddy smile and figured he didn't mean it. Eating more of her food she looked towards the door when she heard a knock, "I get it," she said as she got out of the chair and went running for the door.

Taylor heard the knock and heard Cecily who had gotten up before he even had time to react. Laying his pop-tarts down on the counter he ran after her, "Oh no you want princess," he said reached her when she was just inches from the door. Scooping her up he held her on his hip as he finished the walk to the door and opened it. Seeing his parents standing there he tried to keep his face from showing any anger. He didn't want Cecily to sense the tension or know something was up.

"What are you doing here?" Taylor raised an eyebrow as he asked the question that was on his mind. He had told them if they ever wanted to come by to call and ever since the court battle they had started he wasn't even sure he had ever wanted them stopping by again. He hated them for punishing him and Zac. They were only trying to take Cecily because they didn't want Zac or him to be raising her. They believed his and Zac's lifestyle was unhealthy for a young child.

"We came to see our grand-daughter," Diana smiled as she pushed her way inside and past Taylor. Looking around she examined the house and crinkled her nose slightly, "This place is such a mess," she exclaimed shaking her head in disappointment. Toys were strewn about everywhere and she was sure that she saw a few pairs of Zac's dirty socks on the floor.

Taylor felt his face grow hot when his mother made a comment about the place being a mess. He was half sure that she'd run back home and tell her lawyer. Another thing to use against him and Zac in court. Another reason to have to want to take his daughter away. "I'm sorry, I guess Zac and I aren't much for cleaning," he said trying to sound polite.

Diana shook her head, "You never were much for cleaning," she sighed and soon turned her attention to the child in Taylor's arms. Cecily was the spitting image of Taylor and someone she wasn't quite sure of. She knew Zac and Taylor had said they would never find out who the father was but in her gut Diana knew it was the man holding her grand-daughter right now.

"Your father and I were wondering if we could take her out for the day?" Diana asked as she crossed her arms. Her words may have came out in a question form but her body language was saying something else, she was in a way, trying to tell him that they weren't going to leave without spending time with Cecily.

Taylor made a face at his mother when she crossed her arms. He knew his parents weren't going to leave until they spent time with Cecily, "Where are you taking her?" he asked wanting to know exactly what they had planned. After all the shit they had pulled he didn't trust them with her.

"To the park in town," Walker finally spoke up as he looked at his son. He never thought he would see the day when two of his son's were such disappointments to him. He had always wanted to be proud of his kids.

Sighing Taylor knew he with his next words he was going to give in to his parents wants, "I'll get her ready," he muttered as he turned and went down the hallway to Cecily's room. He hated that he was such a pushover when it came to giving in to people, especially his parents.

Reaching the bedroom he shut the door and went to the closet. Opening it he chewed on his lips looking at the selection of clothes that were on hangers. He was sure she had more clothes’ than any other two year old girl, "What color do you want to wear today Cess?" he asked as he looked down at her. He would let her choose the color because she could sometimes be picky and throw a fit if she didn't have a certain color on.

"Blue," Cecily grinned as she looked up at him. Blue was her favorite color right now.

Nodding Taylor reached for one of her blue dresses and slowly took it off the hanger. Walking out of the closet he put Cecily down on the floor and bent down to her level, "You are going to hang out with grandma and granpop today," he informed her as he helped her out of her pajamas a smile forming as her hair stood up as her pajama top was pulled off. "You remember what I said about being a good girl for them," he said putting the dress on her. After the dress was on he used his hands and straightened and fixed her hair some. She looked like the princess she was.

"Yes, I know," Cecily nodded at his words. "I listen to them and always stay where they see me," she smiled. "And if you find out I was bad I get spanked," she said making a face. She had only ever been spanked once and that had been by daddy Zac.

"Exactly," Taylor nodded as he smiled and stood up. Picking her back up he carried her down the hall and to his waiting parents, "Have her home by six," he said knowing that was when she normally ate dinner. "And don't let her have too much sugar," he said as he went to the coat rack and grabbed her coat. Sliding it on her he then walked to his mother who took her out of his arms with no hesitation at all.

"We will have her home and we promise not too much sugar," Diana smiled as she held her grand-daughter in her arms. She was hoping that once the judge's ruling came back in December that she would be holding her forever. No child deserved to live with two guys who were lovers, especially if the two guys were committing incest.

Taylor nodded and he chewed on his lips as he watched his parents walk out the door with Cecily. Once the door was closed he sat down on the couch. He knew he would worry until they came back with her.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Excerpt: "They could hurt her if they wanted too," he said as he stood from the couch and walked down the hallway.

The Past Is Just A Goodbye Chapter Three

Sitting on the couch several hours later, Taylor shook his leg frantically. It was past the time he had told his parents to have Cecily back, "Of course they would ignore what I said," he mused to himself though Zac was sitting right beside him. "They don't give a shit that I'm her father and what I say matters," he seethed as he shook his head.

Zac looked over at Taylor and sighed. For the past thirty minutes now he had to listen to Taylor rambling on and on to himself about how pissed he was at their parents. Zac didn't know whether to be mad himself or laugh at how ridiculous Taylor sounded ranting to himself. In a way he found it kind of cute.

"You know," Zac finally spoke up, "You shouldn't be that mad. Yeah they didn't listen to what you said but at least you know she is safe with them," he shrugged. He was trying to calm Taylor down though he wasn't actually sure if his words would work or not.

Taylor snorted some as he heard what Zac said, "How do I know she is safe with them?" he asked as he shook his head. "They want to take her from us just because we are in love," he sighed. He knew it was also because they were brothers as well. "They could hurt her if they wanted too," he said as he stood from the couch and walked down the hallway. If they ripped Cecily away from them they would be hurting her emotionally. He could see them hurting her physically too.

Reaching the bedroom he shared with Zac, Taylor slammed the door shut behind him and walked over to the bed. He knew Zac had only been trying to help with his words but they had just made him more pissed off. More pissed than what he already was.

Hearing the door open, Taylor looked up and saw Zac come in. He stayed silent as Zac sat down beside him on the bed.

"I'm sorry," Zac said as he looked at Taylor. "I'm sorry for saying what I did," he frowned. He wanted to make Taylor feel better but in reality it had made him worse and he was scared now that Taylor was mad at him too.

"You have no reason to be sorry," Taylor admitted as he reached over and stroked Zac's cheek some after he frowned. "I know you were only trying to make me feel better babe," he said smiling some. It wasn't much of a smile but it was the most he felt like mustering the strength for at the moment. "I just, you know when I am mad. I take things the wrong way," he shrugged. He had been known to have a short fuse, especially lately with all the bullshit from their parents.

Zac smiled when Taylor stroked his cheek and as his brother talked he listened. He had grown accustomed to listening to Taylor, "Yeah well you are just too uptight," he mused as he shrugged and pursed his lips. "I think I know how to fix that," Zac smirked as he moved his face closer to Taylor's.

"Oh yeah?" Taylor asked as he watched Zac’s face move closer to his own, "Just how might you help fix that?" he asked as he chewed on his lip. He had an inkling of where Zac was heading with this conversation.

"Mhmm," Zac nodded before letting his lips brush across Taylor's in a kiss. At first it was slow and soft but the longer he kissed him it got harder and faster. He wanted to have sex with Taylor. Since everything had started with their parents, their sex life had kind of died down and it hurt Zac because they had, had a good sex life.

Kissing Zac back, Taylor smirked on his brother's lips before falling back onto the bed with him. He liked Zac's line of thinking right about now.

Once they fell back on the bed Zac kissed Taylor for a few more seconds before pulling away and removing his shirt and then Taylor's as well, "I need you baby," Zac whispered before kissing Taylor again. It was true, he needed Taylor. His being strong for the both of them was beginning to wear thin and he needed something, just one thing to hold him together for the time being, even if it was just sex.

"I...need...you...too," Taylor whispered in between kisses as he brought Zac closer to him. Reaching down between them he undid Zac's jeans and broke apart from the kiss long enough to push them down and off of his brother. Smirking when he saw Zac had went without boxers he shook his head and laid back down resuming the kiss.

As he kissed Zac harder, his hand went down and soon he found Zac's cock. Letting his hand go around it, he began to pump him slowly. He knew he was being a tease because Zac liked it fast just like he liked to be fucked fast.

Moaning when he felt Taylor pumping his cock, Zac broke away from the kiss and let his head fall back on the bed. He knew he should be trying to take Taylor's pants and underwear off, but damn it right now he was getting too much pleasure to do much of anything but just lay there. Lay there and moan.

"Have a problem?" Taylor asked trying to feign innocence. He knew exactly what he was doing and he knew that Zac was more than enjoying every second of it.

"Uh huh," Zac muttered as a few moans came out. "You are driving me insane," he said finally able to string together a whole sentence. Moving his hips with Taylor's hand he sat up as good as he could and undid Taylor's jeans, pushing them off along with his underwear.

"I like driving you insane," Taylor smirked as he moved his hand off of Zac's cock. Sitting up some as well he kissed Zac again briefly before moving his head down and taking Zac's cock into his mouth. He was usually the one getting the blow jobs but today he wanted to return the favor.

Zac's mouth dropped open when he felt Taylor take him inside of his mouth. It was something Taylor rarely did. Letting one of his hands go down he grabbed a fist full of Taylor's hair and he tugged it gently as his other hand moved down and found his brother's cock. Wrapping his hand around it he soon started to pump him.

Feeling Taylor moan as he did that, Zac's hips jerked even more as he felt the vibrations from the moan, "God damn it," he muttered as he moved his hand faster.

Hearing Zac curse, Taylor moved his head faster up and down Zac's length. Zac was bigger than he was, yet he could take all of him inside of his mouth. As he felt Zac move his hand faster he moaned around him again. Zac was definitely talented with his hands.

"Shit," Zac groaned out as Taylor moaned around him again. Taylor was quickly driving him over the edge. Quicker than he had ever been taken there before anyway. Slowing his hand down he decided to be a tease and see just what his brother would do now.

When Zac slowed his hand down Taylor almost wanted to whimper but he didn't. No in fact he slowed his mouth down. If Zac wanted to play the teasing game then Taylor would play it again as well. It was a game he was actually good at.

As he felt Taylor slow his mouth down Zac pulled his hair some before moving his hand faster again. If Taylor was going to play the teasing game again then Zac gave up. He would lose and he hated losing.

When Zac moved his hand faster, Taylor allowed his mouth to move faster again. This time with each movement he took Zac's cock farther into his mouth until it finally hit his throat and then he moved his back up.

It wasn't long after he did that, that he soon felt Zac's cum fill his mouth up and he swallowed it all. He never had believed in spitting, that was for girls. After he swallowed he moved his head back up and looked into Zac’s eyes. He was close to cumming as well.

Looking into Taylor's eyes, Zac kept up his hand movements until he felt his hand get sticky. Moving his hand away he brought it to his mouth and licked it off as best he could, "Fuck," was all he could get out before he heard the phone ringing.

"I'll get it," Taylor told Zac as he stood from the bed. Slipping his boxers back on he walked out of the room and down the hallway. He knew they needed a phone in their bedroom but they for some reason kept putting that off.

When he reached the kitchen where the phone was, Taylor reached out and picked it up, "Hello," he said into the receiver hoping to god it was his parents calling and saying they were on their way with Cecily.

"Tay," Diana said as she heard her son on the other end of the phone. "I would have called sooner but time just slipped away," she lied as she smiled some. It really hadn't slipped away she just hadn't wanted to say goodbye to Cecily just yet. "I was calling to let you know that we will have Cecily home in a few minutes. We stopped at a local ice cream place for some ice cream after treating her to dinner at McDonald’s," she said before hanging up. She didn't want to give Taylor a chance to fuss with her. After all Cecily would be her child soon.

Standing in the kitchen Taylor hung up the phone. He was starting get mad again. Mad that his parents had defied every rule he had given them. Were they trying to deliberately ruin his life? Were they trying to deliberately break him?


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Excerpt: "Then ground her," Cecily shrugged as she leaned in and kissed her daddy on the cheek.

The Past Is Just A Goodbye Chapter Four

Taylor heard the knock at the door and he literally jumped off the couch and ran to the door. Flinging it open he looked at his parents and his brow just furrowed as he took Cecily who grinned at him out of his mother's arms. He was relieved she was fine but he was pissed that his parents had clearly broken any rules he gave them.

"I don't want you guys seeing her again," Taylor told them as he felt Cecily laying her head on his shoulder. He hadn't wanted to talk about this in front of her but he was too ticked to hold it in any longer.

Hearing her son, Diana made a face, "We are her grandparents Jordan," she said using Taylor's first name. It was something she did when she wanted to push his buttons. She knew it worked every time.

Rolling his eyes at his mother calling him Jordan, Taylor locked eyes with her, "And I'm her father and I gave you rules to follow and you didn't do that," he said as he shook his head. "Now please get away from my apartment door and don't come by hoping to see Cess anymore."

"She won't be yours for much longer," Diana snapped as she turned on her heels and walked away. She was pissed now as well. She couldn't believe the audacity that Taylor had. He had changed so much in the last few years, he was no longer the sun that she remembered him to be.

Shutting the door Taylor walked over to the couch still holding Cecily in his arms. He hoped she didn't ask any questions about the conversation he had just had with his mother. He knew she was only two but she was smart for being just two.

When he sat down he felt her head move from his shoulder and he smiled when her big brown eyes looked into his eyes. He knew he was wrapped around her tiny finger.

"Why you mad at grandma for?" Cecily asked as she chewed on her bottom lip as if she was trying to think of a reason for her daddy to be mad. She knew when her daddy got mad at her it never lasted long, he loved her too much to be mad.

Hearing Cecily's question Taylor thought of how to answer her. How did he explain why he was mad at his mother to a two year old?

"I...ummm, well, she disobeyed me," Taylor said as he thought about how weird those words sounded when talking about his mother. "She was supposed to have you home earlier but she didn't," he said as he looked at Cecily. He hoped that she could understand what he just said.

"You can't spank her like you do me?" Cecily asked as she raised an eyebrow and smiled some. She had only been spanked a few times and when that had happened it had been her daddy Zac who had spanked her.

Laughing at her words, Taylor shook his head. He could see himself now trying to spank his own mother, "I can't spank her Cess," he said as he shook his head no. "I wish I could but it doesn't work that way," he sighed as he laughed some. Sometimes Cecily just said the funniest stuff.

"Then ground her," Cecily shrugged as she leaned in and kissed her daddy on the cheek before moving off his lap. Running down the hall she went to her bedroom to play some before her daddy made her go to bed.

Laughing even more Taylor just shook his head again. His daughter really was a spitfire at times. He guessed she got that from Zac more so than him. Standing from the couch he walked down the hall and to the bedroom he shared with Zac. Smiling as he opened the door and walked in he wasn't surprised when he found Zac playing video games in his boxers.

"Why am I not surprised to find you playing video games?" he asked as he sat down beside Zac. Looking at the screen he watched Zac play, feigning interest in it. Video games were just plain boring to him.

"Because video games are what keeps me alive, well them and sex with you," Zac smirked as he turned his head briefly and winked at Taylor. Looking back at them he was glad to see that in his brief look away he was still alive.

Taylor smirked as well at Zac's words, "Well in that case I am glad my sex is one of the reasons you live," he said before laying back in the bed. "Cecily is home now," he told Zac as he looked at his back. Sometimes he could get lost just staring at Zac's back, watching the way it curved when he moved at times. His brother really was one beautiful creature.

"Good," Zac said when he heard Taylor tell him Cecily was home. That meant that Taylor hopefully wasn't as angry as before. He figured Taylor was still ticked off but there was a difference between ticked off Taylor and angry Taylor. Angry Taylor had a tendency to be worse than ticked off Taylor.

"Mom was a bitch when she brought her back," Taylor muttered as he kept staring at Zac's back. He wished he could be half as brave as Zac was during this whole situation with their parents and the court case. He wished that he didn't feel sad every day that he woke up because he was scared of losing his daughter.

Zac snickered at Taylor's comment about their mom being a bitch, "When isn't she a bitch?" he asked as he raised an eyebrow though Taylor couldn't see it. Ever since he and Taylor had came out as gay and as a couple their whole family had become little bitches, their mom more so than the rest of them.

"True," Taylor sighed as he knew Zac was right. Lately it seemed that was all their mom knew how to be was a bitch. "How do you do it Zac?" Taylor asked randomly as he chewed on his lip and turned to look at the ceiling.

"Deal with mom?" Zac asked as he paused his game and looked over at Taylor. Taylor was looking up at the ceiling and he looked as if he was lost in his own mind. He had a tendency to get lost in his own mind a lot and sometimes that could frustrate Zac.

Taylor shook his head at Zac's question, "Be so strong," he muttered still looking up at the ceiling. "I wish I were as strong as you," he said hearing his voice crack as tears stung his eyes. He hated crying but right now he was crying. "I'm not sure how much more of this crap I can take," Taylor whispered. All he had ringing in his head where his mother's last words. Cecily wouldn't be his much longer. The thought of that was terrifying.

Frowning as he heard Taylor's voice crack, Zac moved and laid beside him, "I'm strong because you and Cess both need me to be," he said as he kissed Taylor's cheek and let an arm wrap around his waist. He hated seeing Taylor like this. "You are so much stronger and braver than you give yourself credit for Taylor," he said as he kissed his cheek. He was doing his best to reassure Taylor that he could get through this. "You can get through this babe. We both can get through this."

"I hope you are right," Taylor smiled as he felt Zac kiss his cheek. Moving closer to his brother's body he closed his eyes. When it came down to it he was just physically and emotionally drained and tired. He was tired of hurting and being hurt at every corner.

"I'm always right," Zac joked trying to make Taylor feel better. Feeling him move closer he rubbed his back softly and started to hum an old song that he knew could always make Taylor feel better.

"Of course you are," Taylor muttered sarcastically a grin soon appearing on his face as Zac rubbed his back and started to hum an old song. It was a song Taylor knew well. It was one he used to sing lead on, I Will Come To You. It always seemed to calm him especially when Zac hummed it to him. Keeping his eyes closed he was soon asleep.

Zac smiled feeling Taylor's breathing even out which meant he was out. Slowly he moved from the bed and left the bedroom. Walking down to Cecily's room he smiled seeing her playing with her barbies, "Hey munchkin," he said as he bent down to her level. "It's time for bed," he said as he picked up one of her barbies and examined it. It was nude like the rest of them. His daughter seemed to have a habit of undressing all of her barbies and leaving them naked.

Cecily looked up at her daddy Zac, "Will you help me put my jammies on?" she asked as she stood up and went to her closet. Grabbing her Cinderella jammies she handed them to her daddy Zac. "Daddy always helps me," she said as she referred to Taylor.

"Of course I will help you munchkin," Zac smiled as he took her jammies from her. Laying them on the bed he helped her out of her dress and he laughed as her hair went everywhere from static. "You look like a little monster," he joked as he reached for her jammies and put the shirt over her. Once it was one he grabbed her bottoms and helped her into them. "Go to the bathroom and brush your teeth then get back here so I can read to you," he said as he stood up and watched her run off.

Sighing he went to the bookshelf and found the book that Taylor had been reading to her every night lately. They were half way through it. He knew Taylor was better at being a dad to Cecily then he was but he tried and he still loved her just the same.

"I'm ready for my story now," Cecily said when she came back into her room and walked to her bed. Climbing in she left room for her daddy Zac to get in and lay down as well.

Zac laughed some at how demanding she sounded when she spoke that last sentence. She was a little diva just like Taylor was. Getting in bed beside her he began to read the book to her until he saw her fall asleep. Once she was out he closed the book and laid it on her nightstand. Cutting the light off he snuggled with her and went to sleep as well.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Excerpt: "It wasn't one of my finer moments," Taylor confessed as he shrugged and looked down.

The Past Is Just A Goodbye Chapter Five

A week later Taylor chewed on his bottom lip as he sat in the tiny apartment. It was just him and Cecily tonight. Zac was out with some of the friends he had made here in Oklahoma City. He had asked Taylor if he wanted to come and Taylor knew he had only asked in hopes of cheering him up. Taylor liked the effort Zac was giving but he just didn't feel like going out, not tonight anyway.

Turning on the TV he smiled when Cecily climbed up onto the couch beside him. "What are you doing princess?" he asked as he pulled her closer to him.

"Watching TV with you," Cecily grinned as she looked up at her daddy. "Can we watch Spongebob?" she asked innocently before giggling. She was always allowed to watch whatever she wanted.

"Of course you can," Taylor laughed as he gave into what Cecily wanted. Standing from the couch he went over to where they kept the videos that were just Cecily's. Grabbing the Spongebob DVD that had been a birthday present from Zac to her a few months back he opened the box. Taking the DVD he walked over to the DVD player and put the disc inside.

Going back to the couch he sat beside Cecily again and grabbed the remote hitting play. Once he had hit play he shook his head as Cecily grinned more and watched intently. He was raising a sponge bob fanatic. He wasn't sure whether he should have felt happy or sad over that.

Hearing a knock on the door Taylor made a face and stood up, knowing he hadn't been expecting company. For once he was thankful that Cecily wasn't racing him to the door to see who it was. She was too engrossed in her DVD. Opening the door he felt his face change from one to confusion to one of anger as he came face to face with Alex Greenwald.

"Alex," he muttered as he felt his voice showing some of the anger he felt. Alex was his ex. An ex who had almost gotten him hooked on drugs. An ex who he had dumped once he knew Natalie was pregnant. "How did you find me?" he asked as he stood in the doorway, not wanting Alex to come inside.

Alex smirked as he looked Taylor over, "A mutual friend," he shrugged as he pushed his way past Taylor and inside of the apartment. He hadn't seen Taylor in years and he had missed him. "I heard about your divorce," he said looking at the girl on the couch, "And the fact that you are now fucking your brother," he said nonchalantly. To be honest he found it kind of sick but who was he to judge anyone?

Taylor rolled his eyes when Alex pushed past him, "Did I say you could come in?" he asked as he shut the door.

"No," Alex said as he locked eyes with Taylor. "But I didn't think you'd care," he said as he walked closer to where Taylor still stood at the door. "I brought some good stuff," he muttered as he reached into his pockets and pulled out a bag of what looked like powder. It was cocaine.

Feeling his eyes grow big at what Alex held in his hand, Taylor swallowed hard. He hadn't used drugs since he married Natalie. He had voluntarily went into rehab and gotten clean. Now seeing the stuff again especially in the funk he had been in lately he was half tempted by it.

Looking at Cecily though he knew he couldn't. Not with her here.

"I can't Alex," Taylor said shaking his head as chewed on his lip. "I'm not going to snort that shit with my daughter here," he said trying to hide the fact that everything in him was screaming for him to use it.

Pouting playfully, Alex slung his arm around Taylor's shoulder, "Oh come one buddy," he said as he lowered his voice to a whisper. "Just once isn't going to hurt you."

Closing his eyes at Alex's arm around him, Taylor heaved a sigh when Alex whispered that just one time wasn't going to hurt him. Opening his eyes he looked at Cecily again. She was still engrossed in Sponge bob. His mind was screaming no to doing the cocaine but his heart was saying yes, "Fine," he breathed giving into what his heart wanted. He knew he was making a huge mistake but he didn't care.

Alex smiled some when Taylor agreed to use the cocaine. Spotting the kitchen he walked in there with Taylor and when he reached the table he dropped his arm from Taylor's shoulders and sat down. Opening the baggies contents he poured the cocaine onto the table and then got out something else from his pockets. Smirking her soon divided the cocaine into perfect white lines. He was glad Taylor had agreed to do this with him. He always hated doing cocaine alone.

Taylor felt his heart beat faster as he stood in the kitchen with Alex. Watching as he fixed up the drug that Taylor would soon be using. He was scared that Cecily would catch him but even his fears weren't enough to stop him. No, nothing could stop him from wanting this high. He needed this high because he knew at least for awhile it would make him feel better.

Watching as Alex got out a dollar bill and rolled it up, soon snorting up some of white powdery stuff Taylor felt a longing in his veins that he hadn't felt in ages. Sitting down in a chair he moved it beside Alex and when he was handed the rolled up dollar bill he eagerly snorted up some of the drugs himself. His fear had only increased as he did that. If he got caught by his daughter he would feel like scum.

"Good boy," Alex smiled as he patted Taylor on the back and soon he took the dollar bill back snorting up some more of the drug that he was sure was keeping him alive.

Smirking some when Alex patted him on the back Taylor watched him and soon their little game of pass the rolled up dollar back and forth continued, it continued until Taylor heard a voice he knew neither belonged to him nor Alex. Hell it didn't even belong to Cecily.

Swallowing hard he looked up, his blue eyes looking up and coming into contact with a pair of brown ones and boy were those brown eyes pissed.

"Z..Zac," Taylor squeaked out feeling like a little child who had just been caught with their hand in the proverbial cookie jar.

Zac who had gotten home early from being out with friends stood in the entryway of his kitchen, his hands on his hips and his temper hot. He had just seen Taylor snorting up what was left of some damn drug which had caused him to exclaim loudly what the hell. Three words that had made Taylor look up at him.

When Taylor said his name Zac heard the squeak and he could also read the scared expression on his brother's face, "Taylor," he muttered back through clinched teeth. As he stood there his eyes went to Alex who was beside Taylor. Of course Alex was here.

Sitting beside Taylor in the middle of this mess, Alex soon stood up, "I should go," he muttered as he pushed past Zac not wanting to be around for the fall out.

Taylor watched Alex leave and he just sat in the chair, wishing that he hadn't been left alone with Zac. He was afraid Zac would hurt him somehow or something. Terrified of it.

"Are you a dumb?" Zac asked as he shook his head and left the kitchen. Going to Cecily who was on the couch he picked her up. He wanted to get her and himself away from Taylor. She didn't deserve to see her daddy like that.

When Zac left the kitchen, Taylor stood from the chair finally and walked after him, "I'm not dumb," he answered though he was sure he looked dumb. He had been caught snorting cocaine while his daughter was just in the next room.

Zac laughed some sarcastically as he shook his head, "Oh, really well then pray tell, would you call yourself smart then? I mean for doing what you did with Cess in here on the couch?" he asked as he looked at the girl in his arms. She was confused he could tell from her face but he was glad she was silent. He didn't want her asking questions.

"It wasn't one of my finer moments," Taylor confessed as he shrugged and looked down. "I just needed something to stop feeling so sad over things," he sighed as he looked up and ran a hand through his hair.

"Yeah and you're something was one of the dumbest choices you could make," Zac snapped as he walked towards the door.

Watching Zac go towards the door Taylor walked after him again, "Where are you going?" he asked as he raised an eyebrow. He didn't want Zac leaving him.

Zac sighed as he turned briefly to look at Taylor when he reached the door, "I am taking Cecily and I am going away," he said as he opened the door.

"You can't take my daughter away from me," Taylor said his voice raising as he walked over to Zac in almost a jog. He didn't want him to take Cecily anywhere. He was mad yes, but why leave with her? Did Zac think that he was a bad parent now?

"Oh really?" Zac asked sarcastically as he moved away from Taylor and out the door. "I'm the one who signed her birth certificate. I'm the one who is legally her father, so yes, I can leave with her," he nodded as he walked down the hallway and towards the elevators. This was one of the hardest things he was doing. Leaving Taylor for awhile.

Watching Zac leave, Taylor shut the door and fell down it and onto the floor. Feeling tears sting his eyes he soon held his head in his hands as he cried. He felt like he had just lost the only two people who made life worth living. He had lost them by screwing up just one time.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Excerpt: "Stop lying to me Ike," Zac said as he shook his head refusing to believe the words that Isaac spoke.

The Past Is Just A Goodbye Chapter Six

Zac sat on the hotel bed two days later and watched Cecily as she colored in a coloring book he had gotten her yesterday. He hadn't returned home since he left Taylor after catching him doing drugs with Alex. He just couldn't muster up the courage to see Taylor again right now. He had known Taylor was a drug addict at one point but he had hoped that Taylor wouldn't have fallen into old traps, especially after Cecily had been born.

Sighing he reached for the remote that was beside him on the bed. Turning the channel he heard a knock on the door and stood up. He had a feeling it was Taylor, it wasn't like he was trying to hide from him. He had just went to a hotel that was a few blocks away from their apartment and he had parked his car right where it could have been seen.

Walking to the door he reached out and opened it but raised an eyebrow when it wasn't Taylor he saw but his brother Isaac.

"What are you doing here?" Zac asked as he raised an eyebrow and crossed his arm. He really didn't feel like seeing Isaac or anyone else in his family. Not since they had all turned their backs on him and Taylor when they had came out as being a couple.

Seeing Isaac look down before answering him, Zac knew it had to be bad news. Isaac could never look at someone if he was giving bad news.

"Taylor's dead," Isaac said harshly and the words felt like they had punched Zac in the gut. Isaac had to be lying, surely Taylor wasn't dead. He had just seen Taylor two days ago. Taylor couldn't have died in two days.

"Stop lying to me Ike," Zac said as he shook his head refusing to believe the words that Isaac spoke. He would never believe that Taylor was dead.

Isaac looked up at Zac, "I'm not lying," he spat as he crossed his arms. "He shot himself in the head. The neighbors heard the gunshot and called 911. They got there but, well, you know there was nothing they can do," he frowned. "I was listed as his next of kin still and they contacted me."

Swallowing hard as he heard Isaac talk more Zac felt as if he was starting to drown. Starting to suffocate. He didn't want to believe still but the seriousness of Isaac's tone and the sadness in his face was making Zac's denial fade.

"How did you know I was staying in a hotel?" Zac asked still trying to keep some of his denial in place. Taylor had to have told him which meant he was still alive and this was just some sick joke.

Isaac reached into his pocket and pulled out a letter, "He left this behind," he said as he handed Zac the letter. "It stated that you had left and that was one of the reason's he did what he did. I drove around for a good thirty minutes before I finally recognized your car parked out in front of this hotel," Isaac frowned again.

Zac took the letter from Isaac and he opened the envelope. Taking the folded paper out he read it, recognizing Taylor's handwriting immediately.

Dear Whoever Finds This,  
I'm sorry for doing this. Sorry that I'm such a coward that I can't face life anymore. But right now, with everything falling apart, Zac leaving me and taking Cecily, and then my parents trying to get custody of Cecily, I just can't do this anymore. I can't bear the weight or burden of the incredible sadness that I feel inside of me everyday.

All I ask is that whoever finds this, gives this to Zac. He needs to know that even if I messed up that I will love him forever and that I'm sorry for leaving him the way I did. I'm sorry for leaving him at all to be honest. I also want him to keep fighting for our, no, his daughter now. He needs to fight for her much like I would have done, had I had the strength emotionally to do it.

Taylor

P.S. Zac, if you read this, please let Cecily know every day that I love her....and when she is old enough, give her the letter I wrote for her. It's hidden inside my old sketchbook. The one I used to keep during our This Time Around Tour.

Closing the letter, Zac wiped away the tears that had started down his cheek. Isaac had been telling the truth. Taylor had killed himself, just ended things, no goodbye.

"I...Isaac," Zac stuttered his voice breaking as he spoke. "I need you to catch me," he said as he started to fall to the floor. He was thankful when he felt arms around him and he knew that Isaac had done what he asked him too.

Once he was sure that Isaac wouldn't let him go, Zac broke down crying. They weren't just the silent sobs either. They were loud and his body shook as he cried. He had lost the love of his life and there was no way of getting Taylor back. He couldn't just call him or run after him. Taylor was dead and Zac was alone now.

"It will be okay," Isaac muttered as he rubbed Zac's back.

Zac cried harder and he wanted to believe Isaac, he really wanted too, but he couldn't. With Taylor gone nothing could be okay ever again. The world was now a much darker place and Zac was sure he had lost any sense of optimism he had ever had.

"It won't be okay," Zac croaked out as he pulled away from Isaac's embrace and shook his head. "Nothing will ever be okay again," he sighed as he looked down and stayed silent. He wasn't sure what else to say, not right now anyway.

Isaac nodded at Zac's words, "I'll let you be for awhile, so you can come to terms with things," he sighed before turning and leaving.

Zac looked up and watched Isaac leave. Once Isaac was gone he went and shut the door. Turning he looked at Cecily who was still too interested in her coloring back too notice that he was upset. He glad of the fact that once something had Cecily's attention that it kept her attention.

Going to the bed he sat down and took a few deep breaths even though it hurt to breathe. It hurt to do anything right now. How could Taylor think this was okay? That he could just leave Zac like he did. That leaving Zac was the right choice.

Looking at Cecily again Zac felt more tears come to his eyes. How could Taylor think that leaving Cecily was a good idea? Cecily was a daddy's girl and she would be devastated once he told her that the man she loved so much wasn't coming back. Hell how could he tell her such stuff? How did you tell a two year old that one of their parents was dead. It was something Zac didn't really want to do but he knew he would have too.

"Daddy Zac?" Cecily asked as she finally looked up from her coloring book.

Zac raised his eyebrow at Cecily's question, "Yes?" he asked as she wiped at his eyes.

"Why are you crying?" she asked as she left the bed she had been sitting on and going to his bed. Crawling into his lap she reached up and wiped his eyes as well. "Call daddy and he can make it better," she said smiling. "He always makes me better."

At Cecily's words Zac cried again and pulled Cecily closer to him. He knew she didn't understand that her words had hurt him more than they had helped him. She would never understand that right now.

"I wish I could Cess," Zac whispered wishing that he could call Taylor again, if not just to hear the voice he loved. To hear Taylor say he loved him one last time. Zac wished he had too had told Taylor he loved him the last time he saw him. He wished he hadn't even left Taylor now. They should have just talked through it, but no, Zac had to be impulsive and leave. Taylor's death was partly his fault and he felt like shit for knowing that.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Excerpt: Cecily nodded and wiped her eyes, "I don't want you to go away," she said as she wrapped her arms around his neck.

The Past Is Just A Goodbye Chapter Seven

Zac sat in the kitchen of his apartment, the apartment that Taylor had committed suicide in a week ago. It was hard to believe a week had passed. A full week full of nothing but pain and heartache for him. He had, had the funeral two days ago. He had only allowed a few good friends to attend and Isaac had also asked to come. Zac had obliged and let him.

"Damn it Taylor." he muttered to himself. He wasn't sure how he was supposed to make it on his own nor was he sure how he was going to face going to court in a matter of weeks to find out if he would lose Cecily as well. He was still blaming himself for leaving Taylor the night he caught him doing drugs. Maybe if he had stayed then Taylor would still be here right now.

"I don't know how to go on," Zac croaked out as he felt tears stinging his eyes again. "How can I stay strong and keep going on when all I want is you?" he asked as he looked towards the ceiling. He was supposed to have spent the rest of his life with Taylor and that dream was squashed now. "You left me here alone," he sighed feeling a bit angry too. "You left me here and I'm just not that strong without you."

"Daddy Zac?" Cecily asked as she walked into the kitchen and yawned. She had woken up from a nightmare and couldn't go back to sleep.

Hearing Cecily, Zac wiped the tears from his eyes and looked down at her, "Yes, Cess?" he asked as he raised an eyebrow wondering why she was up. He had put her to bed two hours ago.

"I had a bad dream," Cecily frowned as she walked closer to her daddy Zac and climbed into his lap. "Daddy was in it and he was being mean and wouldn't stop hiding from me," she said as her lip quivered some before she began to cry. "I wanted daddy."

Zac frowned as he heard Cecily describe her dream. Pulling her closer to him he wished he knew what to say to her to make her feel better. He was sure her dream was because, she, like him missed Taylor. She was too young to still grasp the fact that her daddy wasn't coming back to her. That Taylor had abandoned them both when he killed himself.

Sighing he kissed her forehead, "Daddy would never hide from you," he said as he rubbed her back softly. "You know that sweetie."

Cecily nodded but still continued to cry, "But then how come I can't see him anymore?" she asked as she looked up into her daddy Zac's eyes. She just wanted to see her daddy again.

"Because," Zac paused trying to think of the right words to say. "God decided that he needed to see daddy for awhile," he said hoping that was right. "God decided that daddy needed to be in a new place but one day we will both get to see him again."

"When?" Cecily asked wanting to know when they could see him again.

Zac chewed on his lip, hating the fact that she was asking questions. He hated that she even had to ask these kind of questions. "Well, whenever God decides that it's time for him to see us," he said feeling a lump form in his throat. "It will be a long time from now but as long as we have each other, well, maybe it won't seem so long," Zac smiled knowing that he couldn't lose Cecily. No, he was going to get through this storm and he was going to get through it with his daughter. She was all he had left of Taylor now.

Cecily nodded and wiped her eyes, "I don't want you to go away," she said as she wrapped her arms around his neck and laid her head on his shoulder. "I love you."

Zac smiled and he held her to him. When she said she loved him he just sighed. He loved her too and he would do what Taylor asked of him. He would keep fighting for her.

"I love you too sweetie," he said as he stood from the chair and walked out of the kitchen. "How about you sleep with me in my bed tonight," Zac said as he walked down the hallway and into the room he had once shared with Taylor.

Maybe if Cecily slept in here she would sleep better. Heck maybe with her in here he would actually get more than an hours worth of sleep, which was all he had gotten this past week.

Laying down Zac still held Cecily and he sighed, "Goodnight munchkin," he said as he closed his eyes.

"Night daddy Zac," Cecily yawned as she snuggled into him and closed her eyes. Soon her breathing evened out and she was gone.

Zac kept his eyes closed and listened to Cecily breathe. Once her breathing had went even he knew she was asleep. The more he listened to her, the more he felt himself being lulled into a slumber as well.  
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________  
A few hours later Zac awoke as he heard a knock on the front door. Seeing Cecily still asleep he moved slowly as not to wake her up. Turning over he looked at the clock and saw that it read seven-thirty in the morning. Who was here that early?

Sighing he reluctantly got out of bed and left the room. Walking down the hallway he was sure he looked horrible but he didn't care. Reaching the door he opened it and raised an eyebrow when he came face to face with his mother.

"What are you doing here?" Zac asked as he crossed his arms, not wanting his mother to come inside. His parents were also to blame for Taylor being gone.

Diana looked down after Zac had opened the door, "I wanted to see how you were doing," she admitted, knowing that he had to be suffering over losing Taylor. She may not have approved of his relationship with Taylor but that didn't change the fact that he loved Taylor.

Zac rolled his eyes at his mother's words, "I'm doing as well as I can be," he muttered. "I mean my soul mate is gone. How am I supposed to be?"

"I expected you to be a wreck," Diana admitted as she looked up at her son. "I'm sorry he is gone," she frowned. She knew she was to blame for Taylor being dead. She knew this custody battle had gotten to him and broke him down. To say she hated herself would be the truth. "I'm sorry that I am part of the reason he is gone."

"Are you really sorry?" Zac asked as he locked eyes with his mother. He was having a hard time believing that she was sorry. She wasn't sorry that Taylor was gone and she wasn't sorry that she had played a part in him being gone.

Diana nodded her heard, "Of course I am sorry Zachary," she said as she used Zac's full name. "I hate knowing that I'm part of the reason that Taylor chose to end his life," she frowned before shaking her head. "I decided to drop the custody battle."

When his mother said that she had decided to drop the custody battle, Zac almost thought he was dreaming. He hadn't been expecting to hear that from her. He found it kind of funny that it had taken Taylor dying for her to do that. He almost wanted to laugh and cry at that.

"I think it's too late for you to drop it now," Zac said his tone turning harsh. "It's not going to bring Taylor back."

Diana chewed on her lip as Zac got harsh with her. She should have expected him to get harsh. He was still grieving over Taylor. When he said that her dropping the custody battle wouldn't bring Taylor back she swallowed a lump in her throat, "I know," she nodded. "I know nothing will bring him back no matter how much I wish it would. But I didn't do it in hopes of it bringing Taylor back. I did it to salvage whatever I could with you," she confessed her voice breaking slightly. "I lost one son, I don't want to lose another one."

Zac listened to his mother speak and he stayed silent. Hearing her reason for dropping her petition for custody of Cecily he sighed. He wasn't sure he even wanted to have a relationship with her. The cold hard truth was if Taylor was still alive she wouldn't care about salvaging shit. She would still be on her quest for custody.

"Why?" Zac asked as he looked away from her. "We both know if Taylor was still alive nothing would have changed. Why does it change now that he is gone?" he asked as he stayed looking away from his mother. He wasn't one for conversations like this but lately they seemed to be all that he was having.

"Because losing Taylor was my wake up call Zachary," Diana said as her voice broke some more and she stopped fighting back tears. Seeing Zac avoid her gaze she reached out and touched his cheek softly. She had always used to comfort him when he was little by touching his cheek and telling him things would be okay. She half wished she could tell him that now, but, she knew she couldn't and she knew he wouldn't believe her.

Zac felt his mother's hand on his cheek and he shivered slightly. He hadn't been expecting her touch, "I think your wake up call came too late," Zac answered as he pulled away from her touch. Moving away from the door he shut it and then slid down it and onto the floor. He knew he should have forgiven her but right now there was still too much hurt there. He had too many fresh wounds to just forgive her and try forgetting.

"I'm sorry mom," Zac whispered to thin air as he pulled his knees up to his chest and broke down crying.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Excerpt: "I wasn't expecting you to be here," Zac said as he stood up and picked Cecily up again.

The Past Is Just A Goodbye Chapter Eight

A few days after his confrontation with his mom, Zac was still having bad days, but they were slowly fading. He knew he had to be strong still for Cecily who was his responsibility now. He had to be the dad she deserved and needed. He had to make sure that from now on he did what was right because she needed that. She had already lost one dad and she wasn't going to lose him either, not to death or to depression.

"Come on Cess," Zac smiled as he picked Cecily up and carried her on his hip. They were at the cemetery visiting Taylor's grave. Zac figured it was the last thing they needed to do before going away. It was the last stop they had to make before their extended vacation.

Cecily wrapped her arms around her daddy Zac after he picked her up. Looking around at the cemetery as he walked through it, she laid her head on his shoulder. She wasn't exactly sure why they were here again. She knew they had came here not too long ago. Daddy Zac had said then it was so they could say goodbye to Daddy. Were they saying goodbye again?

"Daddy Zac?" Cecily asked as she kept her head on his shoulder. "Are we saying goodbye to Daddy again?"

Zac heard Cecily and he sighed as they arrived in front of Taylor's gravesite. "You could say that," he said as he put Cecily down but held onto her hand.

Looking at the headstone in front of him he couldn't help but frown as he read Taylor's name and date of birth and death. Sometimes this still felt like just one big old nightmare and that he would wake up in Taylor's arms again. He wished he could wake up in Taylor's arms again.

"Hey Tay," Zac smiled as he looked down some, moving his feet together some. He felt kind of weird, standing here, talking to a headstone. "It's me, Zac," he said feeling a lump form in his throat. "I have Cess with me. Mom finally gave up fighting for her. Apparently losing you made her come to her senses," he muttered rolling his eyes. "I wish she could have came to her senses before we lost you. I...umm...I just came by to say that Cess and I are leaving for awhile. You know me, once I get in a funk the best way to cure it is by leaving. I'm not sure how long we will be gone. I guess I didn't want you to think I had left you. I could never leave you," Zac whispered as he felt tears go down his cheek. "I love you baby," he sighed as he bent down and reached out to touch the stone. It was the closest he could get to ever touching Taylor again.

Cecily watched as her Daddy Zac bent down and touched the headstone, "Daddy Zac?" she asked as she stepped closer to him. "Are you okay?"

Zac looked at Cecily and smiled, "I'll be okay," he said as he reached out and pulled her into him. With her around he would be fine.

"Zac," A voice spoke and Zac turned his head to see Isaac standing there with his wife Nikki.

"I wasn't expecting you to be here," Zac said as he stood up and picked Cecily up again. Giving a polite smile to Nikki he then looked at Isaac. Zac wasn't sure if he was seeing things but he looked like he had aged in the last few days. Hell, maybe he himself looked the same.

Isaac shrugged at Zac's words, "Nik and I just came by to tell Taylor that we are expecting our first child," he shrugged. "We just found out yesterday."

Zac smiled again politely, "Congratulations," he said sincerely. Isaac may have been a prick to him before but Isaac was the only older brother had now. Zac figured it was best to just forget all the damage that had been done there.

"Thanks," Nikki answered as she reached down and put a hand on her still flat stomach. Looking between both brothers she chewed on her lip. "I think I will leave you two alone," she said as she walked away from them.

When Nikki walked off, Isaac just sighed and looked down, "I heard from Natalie yesterday as well," he said knowing the reason that Nikki had walked off was so that Isaac could tell Zac what Natalie had said.

"Oh?" Zac asked as he raised an eyebrow. Why the hell was Isaac telling him about Natalie? That woman had a heart of ice when she had cut Taylor out of Ezra's life. Zac wished she were the one who was six feet under right now.

Isaac nodded, "Yeah, she still keeps in contact with mom apparently. Mom told her that the results of the DNA test Taylor had to do when the first of the custody proceedings started came back," he said as he looked up and crossed his arms.

Hearing Isaac's words Zac couldn't help but be curious on if Isaac knew the results. "Do you know who her father is?" he asked as he looked down at the child in his arms. Cecily was now sleeping, something that Zac had been unaware of.

"Yes," Isaac said as he chewed on his lip.

"And?" Zac asked wanting to know who it was. Yes, he and Taylor had decided to never find out but Taylor was gone now. Taylor was gone and Zac wanted to know.

Isaac stopped chewing on his lip, surprised that Zac wanted to know who the father was, "Her father is Taylor," he said as he smiled down at the sleeping child in Zac's arms. "Taylor is the one whose sperm they used."

Zac couldn't help but smile some when Isaac said that Taylor was Cecily's father. It was the way it should have been. Taylor had always loved Cecily more than anything. It was only fair that she be his biologically.

"It's the way it should be," Zac said as he nodded. "I'm going to go now. I'm not sure when I'll see you again though."

"What do you mean?" Isaac asked not understanding what Zac meant. Why wasn't he sure when they would see each other again?

Zac took a deep breath before answering, "Because Cess and I are leaving town. I was planning on going to the house Taylor and I own in California," he said as he shrugged. "I figured she would love to spend Christmas at the beach and God knows I need to get away from here for awhile. I need to get better so I can be the best father for my daughter, for Taylor's daughter."

Isaac understood where Zac was coming from. Hell, if he were Zac, he would probably leave for awhile as well. "Have fun," Isaac said as he gave his younger brother a smile. He knew it was going to be awhile before Zac fully forgave him for the way things had been before Taylor's death but he hoped that things would get better now.

"Thanks," Zac said as he walked past Isaac and headed to his car. Getting there he opened the back door and gently put Cecily into her booster seat, trying not to wake her up. Once she was in and secure he got in the driver's side and started the car. When they got home he knew he would need to pack a few more things.  
__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________  
Yawning after packing everything that had been left, Zac turned and looked at the time. It read ten-thirty. It was late and he knew he had to get to bed, to prepare for the long day of traveling that tomorrow held. Standing from where he sat in the living room floor he walked down the hall and to the bedroom that was now just his. Closing the door, Zac walked over to the bed and laid down, his eyes falling to a picture on the nightstand. It was a picture he had decided to leave for when they came back.

Reaching out he picked it up and looked at it, It was Taylor holding Cecily when she was only a few hours old. He knew that being the only father she had now would be hard, but he had faith he could do it. He had faith he could be what she needed.

"I can do this Taylor," Zac said as he studied the picture some more. "I can take care of our daughter and I will make sure she knows about you. How much you loved her and how much you loved me," Zac smirked. "How we both wanted her to complete the little family we had. Even with you gone, she completes my little family. She is all I need right now. Thank you for giving her to me," Zac smiled before putting the picture back in place.

Turning the light off he closed his eyes and let sleep take him.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Excerpt: "I like him," Cecily said as she reached her daddy Zac's car. "And I think daddy would have liked him too."

The Past Is Just A Goodbye Epilogue

Cecily looked up at her daddy Zac, "Daddy Zac?" she asked her big brown eyes looking into his. "Is Grandma gonna like Carrie?" she asked referring to her daddy Zac's new boyfriend.

Zac laughed at his daughter's words as they walked out of his house and down the sidewalk to his car. It had been two years since Taylor died. "I hope so," he shrugged as he thought of Carrick. Zac had met him while he and Cecily where in California. He hadn't expected to fall in love with him but he had. He had fallen in love and by the time he decided he wanted to move back he had somehow convinced Carrick to come with him. Though they had chosen not to live together...yet anyway.

"I like him," Cecily said as she reached her daddy Zac's car. "And I think daddy would have liked him too."

Laughing some more, Zac opened the door of his car for Cecily and watched as she got inside. He knew she was right. Taylor would have liked him.

"Then let's hope Grandma likes him too," Zac nodded as he shut the door once Cecily had buckled up. Walking to the driver's side he got in and started the car. He was on his way to pick up Carrick, so that he could meet Zac's parents. Zac had finally reconciled with them when he had came back just a little over a year ago. He knew the time was right and he knew Cecily needed to grow up with the knowledge that her daddy Zac didn't hold any grudges.

"Yes, let's hope so," Cecily agreed as she kicked her feet and looked out the window as her daddy Zac drove. Looking up at the sky she knew her daddy was looking down and smiling at her and daddy Zac. She also knew he was the one who had brought Carrie to them when they needed him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Authors Note: So this story a lot like Don't Close Your Eyes has been around in some form since 2004/2005. The 2005 version though was set years later in Cecily's POV after Taylor died and she is being raised by Diana and Walker.
> 
> In that version there was no Zaylor and Taylor was just gay. So it has been changed a lot too and to be honest I think I like the change. But again just like with Don't Close Your Eyes when I started seriously writing in 2013 I thought hey why not revisit this too and actually change or finish it.
> 
> It was also written because every or almost every other Zaylor fic I had came upon had a happy ending and I wanted to do something different.
> 
> I also feel like one day who knows when I may get around to doing a sequel which is set in an older Cecily's life but right now I just don't have the time or inspiration.


	10. Soundtrack

1.Father's Day-Stephen Kellogg&the Sixers  
2.My Girl-The Temptations  
3.Baby Mine-Alison Krauss  
4.You'll Be In My Heart-Phil Collins  
5.That's The Beat of a Heart-The Warren Brothers  
6.Someday-Rob Thomas  
7.I Will Come To You-Hanson  
8.Little Bitty Pretty One-Thurston Harris  
9.Ghosts That We Knew-Mumford&Sons  
10.Us Against The World-Coldplay  
11.Timshel-Mumford&Sons  
12.Tell Me I Was Dreaming-Travis Tritt


End file.
